She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
