Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
