One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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