Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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