Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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