I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
