What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
