How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
