Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
