Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
