the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
