Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
