Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
