I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
