Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fuck appropriateness.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
