PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
