I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
