Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
