he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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