Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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