I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
