dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
