Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
