Soap is not a condiment
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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