and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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