Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
