a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
