A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
