Me. At least after what I've been through.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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