i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
