They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
