Can Purell be used as lube?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
