I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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