8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
