Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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