Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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