We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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