i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
