i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We named our party play list daddy issues
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
