you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
