Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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