I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
