: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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