I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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