I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
