My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
