Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
