You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
