I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
