Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
