Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
