There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Say something about gay babies.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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