I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
